Awak dengan baju buruk awak,
gantungkan lah, ampaikan lah,
Awak dengan laku buruk awak,
tanggungkan lah,rasaikan lah.

Always remember this sticky notes on my room's wall. I wrote this sticky notes in my Form 1. Yupp..still remember it. It is when a youngster at this age 'taste' the new world. Become a rebel and starts on fooling around.

It a reminder for me to stick on the behave in whatever i'm doing.
Wake up every morning that first reminder for that day.
Going yo close my eyes, it is the last time come across my eyes.

yea..i should keep on remind myself this thing. even till now.

A story worth sharing

A story worth sharing ... it will touch the heart of every man and woman with family ...

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by... Christmas carols and frantic shoppers.... but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy. My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say... I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad

went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldn't help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven't you appeared?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children:

Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

-credit to Matt for sharing-

A friend of me, Mary just flew to Sarawak last 2 days. I'm her first friend that she told when a mail for the teacher posting she read through. How pity she is, have to fly from Kelantan to Sarawak and she's really in depression. However, it is her responsibility as a teacher to fulfill the requirement. She's brave enough to say that, "I will do it, 3-4 years is just a time. Let's do it as part of responsibility!"

That was 2 weeks ago, Mary went through the depression time and try out to build up bulk of confident and 'redho'. She was in such hard situation, but where I'm those time? I'm just forgot to comfort her, even hardly to send a sms!!

How pity friend I am . :(

On the day she's flew to Sarawak, it was the time I remember of her. Just after a glance of my calendar!!
That the moment when I hardly only can see she's waves goodbye through the plane's window.

What else I can say this time, I miss her. Miss her so much!

No wonder, since that day, Mary will get sms from me everyday. yupp.. a pity friend of her is hardly trying to hold our friendship much longer.

Yeay, she's just sms me. She's understand my situation and hold no 'grudge' for having friendship with a friend like me. phew!! A sign that everything alrights is hearing her chuckle. She is chuckle ok, I'm the one who LAUGH.

Ganbatte Kundasai Cikgu Mary!let's time be just a time, till the moment we will meet again..

An Uphill Struggle

're on the track, keeps on climbing the mountain. Why it is so hard, pretty much hurt to be uphill? Why i just keeps on going this struggle?I got on the path for no better reason than it seemed like the right thing to do at this time. Then I discovered I felt better about myself when I keeps on learning new things every single days and spend equal amount of time alone and with others.

This is just why i'm still here,going uphill. That is why I stayed with this.

Going uphill
Sometimes uphill curling
but keeps on uphill struggle

Until reach at the top of mountain ;)

I can almost see it,That dream I am dreaming. But there's a voice inside my head saying. "You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking, Every move I make feels lost with no direction, my faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying, gotta keep my head held high, there's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be a uphill battle.Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there.Ain't about what's waiting on the other side.It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking sometimes might knock me down. But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it,but these are the moments that.I'm gonna remember most, yeah..Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna wanna make it move.Always gonna be a uphill battle.Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain, i'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle. Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing. Keep the faith, baby. It's all about, it's all about the climb. Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa.

Yahuuu..erk, alhamdulillah

When buddies and family keeps on asking, Bila balik kampung eh?.They gimme weird face when heard the answer, Ntah la, tiket pn ntah ke mana. How could I do not buy the ticket yet as Tickets selling like hot cakes especially to my destination. haish..teringin beraya kat kl ke? huh!
Then, yesterday is the day for me 'sampai seru' went to tickets' counters with hopeless face to find KL-KB for 18/09/09 night. yeah.. it almost impossible to find the ticket especially for that date. There are four possible things will occurs;
  • All KB Raya tickets sold out
  • There's no ticket on 18 as it is on Friday night which almost workers want to save their AL, finish work for the day and move on balik kampung.
  • If there a ticket, it is 'bas tambahan' only, not comfortable as the express bus
  • Then, my plan B will be executed ---> buat muka seposen tumpang keta kak ngah balik kampung. It is most avoidable situation!
Guess what i got??
  • I get a single and only one left express bus ticket, on Friday night!
  • With the 'huh, face' like image below, i'm can't believe my own eyes..hehe
Yahuuuuu...erk..sempena Ramadhan ini kuucapkan Alhamdulillah.. :)
Send a sms to my cousin;yahuu..dpt tiket 18/9.hehe
Then, she reply with unbelievable 'face' maybe; 2 sokmo g2 ada ong sokmo.

Welcome back

Welcome back to blogger. woohaaa..once in a month i'm writting here, how's passive blogger i am. ;(

There's so many things comes to my plates, looking forwad, moving forward and sometimes have to running forward. Haish..a part of me seems a little bit tired, especially my eyes seems so 'expired'.

Then, when come to leasure time, with all the things settle on and nothing to do, i'm just looks so weird. mcm mati kutu! Anyway, there's a long list to do within this spare time. I have been planned all since a few months ago but nowhere to begin on.erm..let's start with update this blog!


A thing that i had learned from this lil' boy 'we shouldn't cry because of some hurt'

How's hard this boy to cry even when he's injured or getting hurt.

Satu hari tu, orang mintak tolong tanggalkan sarung bantal peluk tapi dia masuk dalam sarung tu jadi pocong la konon. lompat2 atas katil, terloncat2 mcm pocong. tiba2 kedebukkk..


Dahi dan bibir luka. Dahi macam flowerhorn! macam pic tu lah muka dia bila luka (internally and externally). Langsung tak terkata ape2..terkebil2 je..sambil sapu darah kat dahi dan bibir.

Orang sapu ubat sambil berkata, 'kesian sayang anak ibu, sayang anak ibu'.
Tiba2 dengar mcm orang teresak2. Aik..orang cakap sayang barulah nangis.

I wanna learn new things everyday, I don't know much about vocabulary or grammar then every single new words should be my bread and butter for meal.I do like to be 'Kamus Bergerak' on the go, still learning and keeps on going to learn.

Here is the pillar of KKLW ministry, it is just few pillars but i did some mistakes while translating it.

Original version:-

Teras 1 = Pembangunan prasarana dan ameniti sosial
Teras 2 = Pembasmi kemiskinan
Teras 3 = Pembangunan tanah & wilayah
Teras 4 = Pembangunan ekonomi desa
Teras 5 = Pembangunan Manusia & institusi sosial
Teras 6 = Pembangunan teknologi maklumat & komunikasi
Teras 7 = Pembangunan masyarakat orang asli

My version :-

Core 1 = Infrastructure development and social amenity
Core 2 = Poverty abolitionist
Core 3 = Land & province development
Core 4= Rural economic development
Core 5 = Human & Social Institution Development
Core 6 = Information technology & communication development
Core 7 = Native people/ aborigines community development

English version:- (after been reviewed by translator partner)

Pillar 1 = Development of infrastructures and social amenities
Pillar 2 = Eradication of poverty
Pillar 3 = Development of land and territory
Pillar 4 = Development of rural economy
Pillar 5 = Development of Human and social institutions
Pillar 6 = Development of communication and information technology
Pillar 7 = Development of Orang Asli communities

The slight ambiguity in term of translation happend depends on our knowledge and level of language skills. There's nothing wrong with language as long as we understood the actual meaning, it is where the accurancy and situation of where to use the sentences matters the most.
Eureka! eureka! :)

Not now, i'm busy

I’m constantly bringing new tasks onto my plate. It’s my job to delegate certain tasks and figure out when I have time to execute certain responsibilities. Still wondering around, there's a lot, a bulk or a lorry or a trailer of unfinished 'life to-do list' to be completed.

What matters the most in me are time management and my own self who is not ready to commit.

Related to the 'own readiness', i just remember of meeting a programmer-business guy last month @ Warung Kita (it is actually not ours kopitiam but ya..just a name). He is just a programmer and doing business is just coincidently. Start with freelance for simple application then move forward took Cradle grant (RM50K) to develop a system.

He's applied that grant on his own self, without any business experience and skills related to business, but he do have courage to do so. It is so fast and furious track which he NEVER have time to be ready. His say, "It is what for to be ready? Grab the chance and just do it! ".

Even the chances are not always there for us, we still have the choices which track to be in. It’s always nice to remind ourself of what’s really important in our life. There are career, love and relationship, experiences, own satisfation and chances in life, but they should not come separately. They should be blends together to mould our life.

Let's running forward for career, experiences, own satisfation and taking chances but also take a breath. A breath? ya..i do take a breath – because love is in the air!

For this whole week, my skype status "masslily is running forward". Ermm.. running. Running forward and running backward, running away and running apart. Huh..i just want to run!

[9:24:26 AM] kerol says: don't running foward you'll fall hard, just try hard to
go as far as what your feet can take you and leave the rest to God, you'll find
the true meaning of success

p/s: credit to kerol for his word of wisdom today :p